Let’s talk about mens mental health for a few minutes…
Mental health has been a hot topic in recent years and for good reason. Human beings do indeed struggle with mental ailments just as they do physical ailments. It only seems right that there be some focus on helping ease the mental & emotional anguish we all experience from time to time (sometimes for long periods of time) in hopes that it will make living more bearable and even enjoyable.
To our credit, we have tried to do this. We have been trying effortlessly to manage and improve the mental health of society. Unfortunately, mental health issues seem to only be rising year after year, no matter how many new theories we come up with or drugs we create to treat these issues, they seem to be escalating. You cannot properly treat a problem if you do not know the root cause. One of the problems I have seen in individuals being treated for mental health complications is the failure to figure out what was actually causing their problem in the first place. Once we address the root cause we can then begin to treat the ailments being presented in each individual human being to a greater capacity. Let me digress for now as I will get back to treating the root cause later on.
I want to narrow the discussion down though, from just broad mental health, to mental health specifically regarding men. The past few years men have been battered by the mental health world, fingers pointed from every direction telling them what they need to do in order to be better for themselves and society.
Now more than ever it is hard to be a man in this world. Men of all arenas of life are labeled as “toxic” and “too masculine” as well as “angry” and “unstable”. Now, do these labels apply to some men? Yes. But they also apply to some women as well. We can shout Rudolph the red nose reindeer all day but we can’t forget about the other reindeer in the community. And I promise you that there are more men floating in the middle of the spectrum of these labels than there are on the extreme side.
We have lost the image of what it means to be a man. We have lost the honor of what it means to be a man. We have lost the meaning of what it means to be a man. And that is one of the first blows to a mans mental health. What is a man? What is a man supposed to do with his life?
It is an HONOR to be a man in this life. We have so much to give the world. Most people want to write men off like the world would be a better place without them. Let me ask you a question? Who hooked up the lights in your home? Who did the plumbing? Who put in the heating & air conditioning? Who hooked up your internet service? Who did your landscaping? Who BUILT the house you are in? Who cleaned the sewer system? Who repaired the telephone line during that power outage? Men did all of that (of course women do these things as well, but you will not see many women doing this). Men keep the word running. Men do the dirty, hard labor, grueling jobs that are necessary to keep this society running properly.
Men are also some of the brightest minds on the planet, spectacular surgeons, chemists, engineers, athletes, labor workers, dentists, etc. As much as the world has shit on men and how terrible they are, the world would not last a week without men. I wish men & women could come to understand that the greatest power they have is working synergistically together in order to propel life forward faster in a more positive light.
You might be asking, “who are you to talk about mens mental health? Are you a doctor of psychology?” You are right to question my authority here on this topic! And I would say I am more qualified to speak on this matter than your leading psychotherapist at the most prestigious of institutes!
How is that possible you might be wondering? I have not only worked with hundreds of men one on one, for years at a time, over the past decade in my personal training business, where the mental is worked on just as much if not more than the physical. But also because as a young man I was dragged through the deepest, darkest and most challenging pits of mental health hell… and lived to tell the tale.
You see, when I was about 20 years old I started experiencing pain and dysfunction in my body. Now mind you, I was a young, athletic, strong personal trainer at this time. For a short period of time I thought what I was experiencing was just some bumps and bruises from being so hard on my body. But these little issues started to get a whole lot bigger. So much so, that I was starting to not be able to do things that were once very easy for me! The pain started to increase, the weird sensations and inability to do certain things became more prominent and I started getting worried.
What did I do? I went to someone who I thought would know more than I did! A doctor! Unfortunately for me, the doctors had no answers. It was crazy to me that from the ages of 20-23 years old I went to doctor after doctor being told I was crazy and I had anxiety that was causing all of my physical problems. During that time no doctor was willing to do real in-depth testing to see if there was anything going on under the surface! No one ordered MRIs or blood tests or genetic testing. They just brushed me off because I was in their image, a strong, healthy and very young ignorant man.
A side note about doctors… (this does not apply to all of course, I have met some truly amazing doctors) I noticed that many of them wanted so badly to be right. They would try to make my situation fit their idea of what seemed right so they could treat me the way they wanted to treat me without considering other possibilities because they did not understand those other areas or the did not want to be wrong. And if they did not have an answer, they would say I was crazy, because they truly believed if there was something wrong with me they would know and since they didn’t know it must not be real. This was a wild phenomenon I saw over and over with doctors and it is truly a scary thing. In both physical and mental health worlds.
Professionals need to understand that once you believe you know everything… You actually know nothing. You cannot progress science and the world if you close off your mind to possibilities! The ability to explore past what is already known is the key to uncovering great discoveries in the universe. No one is above the power of nature and possibility.
I was so adamant and relentless in my pursuit for someone to take me serious that I finally caught the interest of one orthopedic surgeon who connected with me because he was an ironman athlete who had his own fair share of bumps & bruises from his own training. He was able to distinguish the difference between a small bump and bruise from physical fitness training and the symptoms and sensations I was experiencing in my body. It turns out the pain and dysfunction I was experiencing was not actually just in my head but real and concerning. He ordered a series of MRIs and tests which at first did not reveal the complete answer to my issues but at least started me on the right path.
Fast forward 5 years from meeting that surgeon and well… It turns out I have a rare muscular skeletal disease called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. This disease causes a defect in how your body uses collagen proteins. This causes many problems with skin, ligaments, muscles, organs and can cause an array of dysfunctions in the body. The main issues I struggle with are chronic pain from my ligaments being inflamed, nerve and muscle pain from my spine degeneration and gastrointestinal dysfunction.
Let me be the first to tell you that it really sucks big time. Most of you have sprained a joint before I’m guessing. I want to you think back to when you sprained a joint and try to bring back the weeks following it that were filled with pain and discomfort. Picture that pain and discomfort in every joint of your body, all day, every day, for the rest of your life. That is the pain I experience every minute of every day. Shooting nerve pains down my arms and legs, muscles that spasm non stop throughout the day, cramps randomly, arthritis in every joint, the aching, the burning, the stinging. It never ends and it only gets worse.
It was my dream to be a successful personal trainer and I was well on my way for two years before my body started failing. I went from being a jacked, strong personal trainer to a skinny, weak man with no purpose. Doctors told me I could never workout or be a trainer again. During this time, my girlfriend of over 4 years broke up with me as well. My identities of jacked personal trainer, business owner and boyfriend we ripped from my being all at once. I was left with nothing. I was nothing but worthless in my mind.
This physical pain along with the mental and emotional pain of not knowing the cause of my ailments, doctors calling me crazy, losing my career, passion and my girlfriend all in such a short amount of time truly caused me so much mental anguish I found myself experiencing thoughts of ending my life.
And I don’t use that term lightly. I have had people closest to me take their own life. That is not a topic I tread lightly around. When I say I didn’t want to live anymore I mean it. And just so you can get a clear understanding of how deep into a depression and darkness I was sinking in, here is some of my writings from that time. I’ll start by sharing a poem I wrote when I was deeply depressed but fighting to change my life:
“I don’t feel right lately, I feel disconnected.
I feel lost, I feel neglected.
I’ve never felt more alone, and yet I’ve never felt more at home.
I feel numb, I don’t feel emotion.
The world around me is moving in slow motion.
I feel like I’m being followed, I turn around and it’s just my shadow.
I’m empty, I’m hollow. I’ve turned into a black hole.
Lost with no way back. I feel your touch on my back. I know its you, I know you’re there.
I don’t know who you’re trying to scare.
You’ve been here for years, you’ve watched me shed tear after tear.
You strangle me and I scream but no one can hear.
You try to impose your power and induce fear.
It has worked so far, but I have finally figured out who you are.
You are the ultimate theft. You steal people’s lives and you give them death.
You suck the vitality out of them until there’s nothing left.
You rip their heart out and leave a hole in their chest.
Most people crumble under your power.
But not me, because I’ve learned your secret and now its ours.
You aren’t a ghost and you aren’t the reaper.
You are me and I am your keeper.
I think we have a mutual obsession.
But I’m closing this chapter, until we meet again… my dear depression.”
Poem by – Sam Letson
Here is another writing of mine from that dark time:
A PERSPECTIVE ON SUICIDE:
Suicide… Man, just saying that word gets people on edge.
I am a man who is now comfortable enough sharing his experiences because of the hope that my words could help others. So I will be 100% honest and transparent with the world and whoever may be reading this.
I was considering taking my life.
I want to take the time to explain to anyone who does not have a good understanding of the thought of taking your own life and why it is not as crazy as you may think, when you are suffering. And to explain to anyone who may be struggling with suicidal ideation, why you should change your perspective.
If you are someone who says…
“I could never even think about taking my own life” or “I don’t know how someone could take their own life” then you my friend… have not lived life. I mean God bless you because not many people out there can say they are happy and grateful for their entire life every second of every day. You need to read this.
The reality, which you may be foolishly blinding yourself from, is that life is not always a happy, lovable experience 24/7. Life is extremely difficult and chaotic mixed with some joyous experiences that give us a breath of fresh air.
Life is full of unexplainable pain, suffering and chaos. Evil and despair do exist in this world and are always there, lurking around every corner of our lives. It can consume you slowly over long periods of time or hit you suddenly in the gut leaving you gasping for air. No matter how ordered you live your life you will experience pain and suffering at some point in time, it is inevitable.
We are limited creatures living in an unlimited universe which leads to unlimited problems we could come to face but without the tools to solve them right away. This leads to stress, anxiety and if it goes on too long… depression and really terrible thought patterns.
Unfortunately, some of us experience so much pain and suffering to the point of exhaustion. People who cannot escape the chaos and evils of life eventually become broken and enter into a state of anhedonia.
What is anhedonia?
Well naturally, we are creatures with the ability to affect and be affected by the world around us. When expressing positive energy this affect will ultimately lead to feelings of love connection and attachment. There is no better feeling as a human being than giving and receiving genuine love and connection.
Unfortunately, it is a responsibility as a human being roaming this earth not only to experience all of the joys of life but also the despairs. When life is so harsh on you for long periods of time your ability to experience love, connection and attachment begin to slowly decrease until you are experiencing life’s ultimate theft… Anhedonia.
Anhedonia is a state of living in which you are disconnected from the world around you. It is as if you are locked in a pitch-black room with one small window. You are looking at the outside world through this small window and it is as if no one else can see you, or experience you. You cannot give or receive emotions, you cannot feel like you once did, you feel lifeless, you feel dead. You are on autopilot.
Anhedonia welcomes the idea of death, because it already feels as if you are not alive. You lack drive and motivation, energy and vitality, love and connection.
You lack the ability to express yourself and fully experience the world around you.
Anhedonia is a mental, physical and spiritual prison.
When life has been nothing but hell for an individual for so long to the point where they enter into a state of anhedonia, the idea of suicide begins to peak around the corner.
I will now share with you my writing about suicide. This is the mindset of a broken man, a human being who lost almost all hope and experienced nothing except pain and suffering in life.
“Have you ever experienced the thought of not living? The urge to take your own life?
I have recently in my own life.
When you are in pain all of the time, every second that tics by in your life is just pain and suffering, it is hard to feel alive. It is hard to experience life and love.
You feel alone, isolated and cold. When you feel as hopeless as I have, when you think nothing in this world can help you end your sufferings… Not being around anymore… Sounds really, really good.
I feel it is at this point, the point of convincing one-self that there is no escape. The point of convincing yourself you have no purpose in this life except to suffer. It is at this point where many will take their own lives.
A lot of people wonder how someone could want to take their own life. They usually think the person is a psychopath and that taking their own life is a satanic, evil and selfish act.
Well my friend they are completely wrong…
When all you see is pain, when all you feel is pain, when you feel numb to everyone and everything around you to the point where it already feels like you are dead, just walking around in a lifeless body, and your whole life is a compilation of suffering…
Death is not a satanic, evil or selfish act in your mind. No not at all. How is it selfish to want to end your pain and suffering? Is it not selfish for people to want you to continue to suffer?
Death is less scary when you are in a state of extreme suffering and turmoil. In fact it is welcoming. In this state of mind, death seems like the ultimate euphoria. The exact escape you have been looking for. Death does not seem bad at all when you are in this state of living.
It actually seems like the greatest euphoria life has to offer. Which is to be free from pain and suffering forever.
You cannot label someone a psychopath for not wanting to suffer 24/7. And you cannot condemn them for thinking about taking their own life, because they are only trying to end their pain and suffering once and for all.
But why create a permanent solution for temporary problems? Just because life is hard right now does not mean it will be that way forever. The natural world will take your life sometime anyway, so why end it early?
It is necessary to bare your suffering as long as you can, because they could turn around for the better at any moment. Also, no matter how depressed you become and no matter how hellish your life may seem… You have to remember that life is also unbelievable and amazing.
Live as long as you can no matter what your circumstances are. Your time will come, don’t end it earlier than life would naturally. You have more to live for and more to experience. It is a blessing you are here in the first place, never forget that.
Living a long, hard worked life makes life’s last stop (death) not as frightening. And I swear to God… there will be no fear when I get to that last stop. I’m just not ready yet. And neither are you. Keep on, keeping on. Its worth the pain and suffering. See what you can do with the life you have been given, you will be shocked at how much you can accomplish and how much you can change just by being stubborn in the face of despair.”
–Sam Letson
During that time I really gave up. I started partying all of the time washing away my pain with alcohol, pain killers and muscle relaxers. I had no structure, no purpose, no direction, no motivation. But oddly enough, that time was one of the most important times of my life. I did a lot of soul searching during that period in life and I truly came to understand more about why I was put on this earth.
I think this is a very important point to dive a little deeper on. I did not hop on any anti depressive or anti anxiety medication. I was fully engulfed in the depths of my mind and soul. I was forced to explore my inner demons, my spirit, my will, my desires. I was either going to drown in my sufferings or figure out a way to overcome them for my own benefit. Thankfully I am here writing this because I overcame those terrible years of life. I did not hide from the darkness which those drugs help us do. Now, am I saying that these drugs are bad or do not work? Absolutely not. They have a place and time for people to use to help them overcome their troubles.
I do feel that a lot of those drugs are used too often and too aggressively (not everyone is summed up in this, there are great doctors who prescribe these in the right doses at the right times and they can work wonders). I believe that if we use these drugs too early, too often and with too high of a dose, it doesn’t give the person the ability to understand their demons and sufferings. This goes back to the root issue problem. Without understanding the root issue of a matter we can never fully eradicate the symptoms being experienced, unless of course with a drug. But being on medication forever is not a something we should be encouraging people to do. I will say some people benefit greatly from starting medication right away, every situation is different and every treatment plan is different.
Let me digress and get back to what I was saying…
I decided to push back against what I was told by “the best doctors in the world” and see if what they were saying was right. And guess what… They were completely wrong.
I went on to become one of the most respected and successful personal trainers on the east coast. I went from training no one, to training clients every hour on the hour from 6am-9pm at night all day every day of the week. I set powerlifting records, ran marathons, ultra marathons, obstacle races and so much more. I was able to take back my life by just putting one foot in front of the other.
The story they told me about myself which I believed for years was actually false. This had a traumatic effect on my life. It made me make bad decisions and do things I regret. The story men are being told about who they are and who they should be in this world may seem like nothing of significance on the surface but I promise you there are serious side effects to believing the narrative they are being told.
During that dark time I really explored everything I possibly could on how to change your life. I read over one hundred self help books, I listened to hundreds of podcasts, I tried so many things that people are told to do in order to live a better life and none of them worked.
The self help industry rakes in about 11 BILLION DOLLARS each year. Thats an insane market and unfortunately most of the stuff out there is not good but just jargon put together by someone claiming they have solved life problems (which most of them are struggling more than you, they just put on a facade to sell their product) and try to sell you a solution.
It is 90% bogus! I truly recommend veering far away from the “self-help” market and invest more time looking into things that will actually change your life. Such as: physical fitness, financial education, social skills and true mental health training from a professional.
So what did I do about my situation since the “self-help” field failed me?
I used my own life as an experiment to see what really worked and what did not and what I found out was seriously unbelievable. Through constant hard work and dedication I found the practical tools that actually create serious change in ones life. There is no fluffy stuff here. No things that will waste your time or money.
It boiled down to three main areas of focus:
- Physical health
- Mental health
- Socioeconomic health
These are the main pillars that will change anyones life but I will focus mostly on how it will change a mans life. These 3 pillars are intertwined and they are the root cause of most mens issues in todays world. When we work on one pillar it will help the other two and vice versa. There is a system that works best which I will explain now:
PHYSICAL HEALTH:
As a man it is imperative that you become physically healthy. You don’t just need to be physically fit for yourself, but for the people around you.
While becoming physically fit will help you look better than ever & feel amazing… It will also makes life’s daily tasks seem easier as they will be easier to perform.
Also, the healthier you are, the better service you can be to the people you love.
In order to become physically fit you need to learn 2 things:
- How to exercise
- How to eat
When you learn to exercise & eat properly, many amazing things start to happen. Here are a few:
- You begin to have more energy.
- Your aches & pains seem to go away and be less annoying.
- You begin to feel stronger.
- You find that your belly has shrunk.
- You look in the mirror and see muscles.
- Your sex drive is soaring.
- You stand taller in social settings.
- You are able to get more done at work.
- You can play with your kids for hours.
- You get compliments.
& so much more.
When someone has a positive change physically, whether it is reduced pain or a better-looking physique; it always affects the mind in a positive way.
You will gain more self-confidence, learn to deal with a stressor placed in front of you more efficiently and gain better understanding of your body and yourself.
The body and mind talk to each other. They give and receive information constantly. If the body is able to express itself, release tension and stress through physical activity and then relax and recover; it might just give the mind a chance to slow down, relax and recover as well.
Exercise will overtime reduce blood pressure, help reduce and release muscular tension throughout your body, and increase the blood flow of vital nutrients that will help speed up the recovery process of cells within your muscles and brain. Leading to healthier cells that are more equipped to manage and battle life’s stressors and make you feel so much better.
The better functioning and developed your body becomes, the better your mind will be equipped for battling and managing situations in this game of life.
So what kind of exercise should you do? What diet should you follow? There is so much information out there it can get overwhelming.
So to save you the headache I’m gonna give you the breakdown on what the best exercise and diet is to become a StronGent.
STRENGTH TRAINING:
Why is this important? It’s important because strength increases your quality of life, it makes your life easier and safer.
Imagine being able to pick your kids up with ease, or haul in groceries without 7 trips to the car or moving something from the bottom shelf to the top shelf without pain. When you become stronger you increase your ability to perform basic and essential life tasks all while reducing pain and your risk for injury.
Strength training also helps build muscle and support fat loss. So imagine losing body fat, building muscle and increasing your quality of life just from engaging in simple strength exercises such as weight lifting.
Along with looking better, feeling better & performing better… strength training aids in longevity. Lean muscle tissue and good bone density are both linked to longer lives. Both of which are supported by strength training!
Not only does lifting weights have physical health benefits it also increase mental health as well. You see, when men get stronger and build muscle… they ALWAYS gain confidence.
Going to the gym and breaking records, overcoming challenges and also failing from time to time but getting back in the gym until you break that record, will help forge you into a more mentally strong & resilient human being.
We need physical challenges in life. We need to test ourselves in the gym and put ourselves through some challenging workouts because it will help us mentally when facing other challenges in life.
Weight training transcends the physical body. It seeps into your mental and spiritual being. Don’t shy away from strength training. Find yourself a coach (we can help you here at Strong Gents) and begin your journey to becoming your strongest self possible!
Walking:
Yup, walking is going to change your life. There are so many things that happen to your mind and body when you walk that you have never been aware of:
Burn body fat:
First off, walking is the best way to burn body fat next to a well rounded diet. Fat is the main source of fuel for ‘low intensity exercise’. The best form of low intensity exercise is… walking!
So, if you want to burn body fat and lose weight then the best place to start is with abrisk paced walk.
Reduces risk of heart disease & stroke:
The #1 killer in America is heart disease. Do not be another statistic.
When you walk you are strengthening your heart & lungs. The stronger these 2 organs are the healthier your brain and body become. How? Well your heart is responsible for supplying the structures of your body and brain with blood.
Your blood carries nutrients that keep these structures running and repairing properly. We also need arteries & veins to remain clear throughout life. The way we do this is yes a healthy diet, but also by constantly flushing them out with fresh blood that a healthy heart can strongly pump through them.
Your lungs are responsible for pulling oxygen into your body. The more we breathe, the more oxygen we drive into our brain & body the better we will feel and function!
Walking is an easy yet powerful way to drive more oxygen into your brain & body.
Reduces blood pressure, blood sugar & pain:
Many people struggle with high blood pressure & high blood sugar, maybe you do as well.
Walking has been shown to significantly reduce both! Walking also gets the muscles pumping and joints moving. This helps promote healing, reduces inflammation and aches& pains.
Movement is medicine!
So start adding a 20-30 minute brisk walk every day and I promise you will feel better. You should be walking with intent. You should not be able to hold an entire conversation without stopping.
Both aerobic exercise (walking) and strength training act as natural anti depressive therapies. When engaging in these activities you release hormones such as serotonin, dopamine and endorphins all of which are associated with feelings of joy!
How does strength training & walking help your career life?
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that the healthier you are, the better you feel on a daily basis and how you look, will greatly impact your professional life.
Imagine having more energy throughout the day, energy that can help you get more things done or get things done in a more efficient manner.
Imagine having less aches and pains or physical problems such as headaches that distract you from your work.
Imagine having more respect and authority within your community of peers because of the way you look and present yourself.
It may seem shallow, but the truth is… People do judge a book by its cover, and sometimes depending on your career choice it could be beneficial to look in great shape.
There are no drawback to looking, feeling and performing to the best of your ability.
And the way you get there is through basic strength training and walking.
TRAINING TIPS:
- Schedule your workouts into your calendar for the week ahead. Treat them like an important business meeting. Get there, turn up and kick ass.
- Always warm up before every workout. It is important to prepare the body and mind for the workout ahead and also to reduce the risk of injury.
- Likewise, be sure to cool down after each workout. The workouts are designed to be taxing, so looking after your body is important and this will help with recovery.
- The better your sleep, the better your results, period. Aim for 7+ hours per night! Lack of quality sleep could be a limiting factor for you not reaching your physical goals.
- If you experience any pain or discomfort exercising seek medical advice. Although the workouts should be challenging, you don’t want you to work through pain or cause any unnecessary injury.
DIET FOR MEN:
There are many ways to eat in order to look good, feel good and perform good. You have probably tried a few diets in your day. But here is the best place to start…
POWERFUL DIET TWEAK:
You don’t have to change your entire diet in order to lose weight, become healthier and feel overall better.
But you do have to change some things. It’s best to start with something that is super simple and easy to implement right away.
The most powerful diet tweak you can do today is to adopt the “swap” tactic.
The swap tactic is something I have many of my clients use when they first start working with me. It’s hard to follow a structured meal plan right from the start.
It’s best to use simple tactics that help you learn about food and how food effects your mind & body
The swap tactic is exactly as it sounds… You swap food choices.
It’s so powerful because it can be used right away and in any situation. Here are the most practical examples to start using today:
SWAPS:
If you would usually reach for a regular soda, next time swap it for a diet.
If you normally get toast at a diner, swap it for fresh fruit.
If you normally make pasta, swap it for zucchini noodles.
If you normally eat ice-cream at night, swap it for greek yogurt and frozen berries.
If you normally make breaded chicken breast fried in oil, bake the chicken breast without the breading & instead use a coarse flavored seasoning.
MORE SWAPS:
If you normally use regular ketchup, swap it for no sugar ketchup.
If you normally use mayo, swap it for mustard.
If you normally eat candy, swap it for fresh fruit.
If you normally add sugar to food items or drinks, swap it for a zero calorie sweetener.
If you normally eat potato chips, swap it for smart pop popcorn.
If you normally eat tortilla chips and salsa, swap the chips with fresh veggies.
If you normally cook with a ton of oil in the pan, swap it for an oil spray.
MORE SWAPS:
If you normally use a store bought salad dressing, swap it for drizzled olive oil and vinegar.
If you normally eat sugary cereals in the morning, swap it with oatmeal and fresh berries.
If you sometimes eat candy bars, swap it for a protein bar.
If you usually drink juices or sports drinks, swap them with flavored water or seltzer.
Before you know it, you won’t be swapping food items anymore because you will automatically be reaching for the healthier option.
It is such a simple yet powerful nutritional tactic that you can start implementing today!
DIET TIPS:
- Prepare ahead of time. I have always said that good preparation is key to getting the body you want and your life on a good path.
- There are numerous benefits to staying well hydrated and drinking plenty of water. It will help with mood, reduce aches & pains, promote healthier skin, improve digestion and even reduce fatigue. Aim to drink 3-6 bottles per day.
- If you drink tea or coffee, try to limit this to 1–2 cup(s) per day. Feel free to drink herbal tea throughout the day. With any of these hot beverages, please avoid adding sugar.
- It may seem obvious, but please avoid all sugary drinks such as soft drinks. They are no good for you. Add cinnamon to coffee and zero calorie sweetener.
- You won’t like to hear it, but alcohol could be the one thing holding you back from achieving the body you want. Unlike macronutrients such as carbohydrates, proteins and fats, alcohol is full of empty calories: calories without nutritional value.
- However, life is for living and it’s important to enjoy social occasions, so if you do decide to have a drink or two, do not panic. Get back on track the next day and smash a workout.
MENTAL HEALTH:
Mental health has become something more people are talking about. And it should be! Men now a days need more guidance and mentorship than ever before.
We are seeing too many lost, frustrated, insecure, depressed & anxiety ridden men in the world today.
It usually starts when men are young…”He’s just a boy, he will grow out of this phase.” How many of you have heard this before? How many times have you been asked “How was your day?” or “How are things going?” and all you give in return was “fine.” or “good.”
The reality is our men and maybe you are not always “fine.” In fact many of them are struggling more than we know and more than they tell us.
Many men are struggling with depression, anxiety, insecurities, and feeling lost. SOME STATS…
It’s estimated that 1 in 7 men ages 18-35 years old suffer from some degree of anxiety & depression. I believe that number is actually closer to 4 in 7 men. Why? Because most men don’t share with the people around them how they are feeling.
Because of this, they don’t get the help they need and end up in a worse place physically & mentally down the road.
What’s an even more astonishing number is that 3 in 4 men today are overweight. Being overweight is linked to many health problems down the road such as diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and more.
But even more so, being severely overweight is linked to mental problems such as anxiety & depression!
It is imperative that we teach men the fundamentals of physical fitness & nutrition, mental fortitude and planning for the future, in order to keep them healthy & happy long term throughout life!
Motivational psychology is what men in todays world need, its what you need!
You need someone who can help you challenge your self limiting beliefs. You need advice and tactics to battle these every day problems.
And yes they are real problems. Your anxiety is real, your feelings of sadness is real and your feelings of frustration is real.
But you do not have to sit there in endless misery and do nothing about it.
You can get ahead and feel better than you have been, get on a better path, gain confidence and become a more resilient person!
You just need some tactics on how to improve your mental health from an expert!
What I want more men to realize is that it is perfectly okay to ask for help.
It is also perfectly okay to not be a lone wolf all of the time and instead become part of a tribe.
Men are stronger together than separate. We feed off each other’s energy.
Some of the greatest men in history had mentors and groups of like-minded friends.
I can tell you from experience in my own life and from seeing it in the lives of many men that I have come across…
That having a community of like-minded men who support you and want the best for you is something unmatched.
It is something every man should be a part of. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, it’s a sign of respect, self-respect.
It shows that you want the best for yourself and want to be of best service to the people in your life.
Step 1 to becoming mentally healthier:
Acknowledge that you are not alone & do not need to be a lone wolf.
Step 2:
Find someone you can talk to. The best place to start is with a professional counselor in your area. You need a place to get your thoughts out and someone to help bring a different perspective into your life.
Step 3:
Find a community or tribe of men that are also on the journey of becoming their best selves. Here at Strong Gents we are building the best community for men!
SOCIOECONOMIC HEALTH:
Men need a purpose in life. We don’t do good when we are left in limbo with no direction and no purpose. Finding a purpose may seem like a daunting task at times, but it doesn’t have to be.
I understand that we all ask ourselves this question as times… “what am I doing with my life?” And it is a great question to ask.
The problem comes when men are asking that question and never do anything at all! You have to start somewhere…
The best place to start for men to gain better socioeconomic health is by finding and maintaining a job!
Men need to work! Why do men need a job more than anything else?
One of the most important parts of a mans life is his ability to find and keep work consistently. For many reasons, some of which we will be talking about here.
It is odd to me that in todays world, work has become frowned upon. We see more men now-a-days shying away from working or failing to keep a job for a significant period of time and its unsettling.
It is most unsettling because working and finding a consistent form of work is extremely important for a mans mental and social economic health. Work used to be something of honor. Men used to take pride in going to work and making an impact on their family or the people around then. We need to get back to this mindset, it is one way to increase the health and vitality of men in todays world.
Reason #1: Increases income & reduces financial burdens
We can’t talk about work & jobs without addressing the fact that money is involved. And this is actually a good thing. Money and personal finances are a HUGE stress for many people throughout life. Some people will preach to you and tell you “money isn’t everything, its not that important.” If someone tells you this, I want you to run far away in the other direction.
The fact is, is that money happens to be one of the most important factors in life. As much as we all agree it shouldn’t be, it is. So since you will never change that then you should come to accept that and work with the circumstances surrounding us. Now does that mean you have to make insane amounts fo money to live a great life? Absolutely not. But you need to make enough to sustain the life you want to live as well as save enough on the side in case of emergencies. Both of which are possible.
An individuals ability to establish financial wealth comes down to a few factors but consistent income remains at the top. And we do this by having a job for long periods of time. By having consistent income… we can pay off debts, put ourselves in a better living situation, save for future purchases, and have money available for emergencies.
Not having to worry about basic human needs like food, shelter and health care takes a great deal of stress off of ones shoulders and the best way to do this is by making sure you consistently have money to cover those. We are able to do this by working and continuing that work. We have to realize that men need to work!
Reason #2: Working is good for mental health and helps with depression & anxiety.
If you are someone struggling with depressive episodes or anxiety then I understand that working and engaging with others seems daunting. I know this to be true because I experienced it myself.
In my early twenties I was cast away into a downward tunnel of depression and anxiety that almost took my life. I was struggling with health problems, seeing new doctors every month and getting tested on like a lab rat.
I ended up isolating myself from the world around me and getting trapped inside my own mind. inside your own mind is the last place you want to spend all of your time when you are struggling with depression & anxiety, and yet anyone that struggles with anxiety & depression knows how hard it is to get out of your own mind!
It may seem daunting and you are most likely not going to want to do it. But finding a job and working consistently makes it more possible to get out of your own mind and break those negative thought patterns.
One of the biggest catalysts for me overcoming my depression & anxiety was working and working consistently. This is because it disrupted my negative thought patterns and interrupted the amount of time I had available to me to engage with those depressive & anxious thoughts. I came to find out that it is not an option, but a necessity to work! Men need to work.
Not only this but working allowed me to be around other people. Something you tend avoid either consciously or unconsciously while depressed & anxious is human contact. Its ironic because one of the best ways to battle these to mental strains is by engaging with and being around other people.
Seeing people every day allows you to spend less time talking to yourself, diving deeper and deeper into your own psychological hell. And instead allows you to get different insights, thoughts and perspectives from other people on every day topics that can help you heal, which you may be too limited to see at the moment.
Along with interrupting negative thought patterns, reducing the available time to be inside your own mind and opening you up to social human contact, working and working consistently also helps build self esteem, confidence and self worth in your life.
Working allows you to accomplish tasks. As humans our brains love accomplishing tasks, no matter how small. Accomplishing tasks actually has been shown to increase motivation and with the increased motivation comes the ability to pursue more tasks to accomplish and then you end up in a snowball of facing problems, solving problems and feeling good because of it.
And this is no mistake! You feel good because when you accomplish task you actually release neurotransmitters such as dopamine associated with feelings of happiness. Imagine accomplishing tasks every day at work and getting small releases of dopamine from that… Pretty cool right?
Now we will have people combat this statement with things like “Well work can also cause stress & anxiety so why would I want to work.” And they would be correct in that assumption, but its a very narrow perspective on working. With everything in life there are 2 sides.
Working can sometimes be stressful, yes. But it could just be you have picked the wrong job, and you can always find another. Or it could be that you are experiencing a new challenge at work that is out of your scope of knowledge, which causes more stress on you to figure it out.
But with this stress comes the fact that it is still a detractor from your own personal psychological mental stress and when you end up overcoming the new challenge you will be more ready for the next one and feel a sense of accomplishment. Anyone trying to argue that work doesn’t relieve depression & anxiety are most likely the ones avoiding work because of depression & anxiety.
It will be uncomfortable to start, but I promise that finding a job you enjoy most of the time will be one of the greatest tools to overcoming some of your most prominent mental health battles.
Reason #3: We need a purpose in this life. Working gives us that purpose.
As human beings we are wired to fulfill purposes in life. If we are left without structure and without a reason to do anything then living itself becomes meaningless. Now some may argue that the way to live is just to be. But that to me is a sorry and shitty way to live this life.
I want to urge men to devote themselves to something bigger than themselves. I urge men to find meaning in fulfilling a purpose because finding something to get up for every morning will keep you in a better state mentally & physically than sitting down doing nothing ever will… Men need to work.
Now an individuals purpose will change throughout life and that is perfectly fine! It is actually natural. Throughout life we grow, we change, we come across new people & new opportunities. Your purpose in your early twenties will most likely differ from your purpose in your thirties. And so on and so forth.
When people hear the advice “find your purpose” they usually get intimidated, and for good reason! How does someone find their purpose? Where do they look? Are they sure it is really for them?
We should not be telling men to “find their purpose”… instead it should be “find a purpose”. Because at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what the purpose is, as long as it is getting you up and functioning in life!
A great way to find purpose is by getting a job! When you are working you will be providing a purpose in life. You will be fulfilling a need in the world. It gives you something to wake up for, it gives you something to do.
In the beginning, it does not really matter what that job is. You just need to start somewhere and then from there you can begin to make transitions and start to explore new jobs and new fields of work.
Find a purpose by getting a job and working. Once you do that, things will start to fall into place.
Mentorship: The next key for mens social & career health
As men we love to do things on our own. We don’t like asking for help and we would rather fail and say we tried all on our own than accepting help from someone else.
This way of living does not always work out. Sometimes it is best to drop our ego and let others help us in order to shortcut our efforts at success in all areas of life.
The best way to do this is by finding a mentor, or multiple mentors that can guide us along the way. There are 2 types of mentorship though, and men respond better to the second.
Type #1 is internal mentorship:
This mentorship comes from the people inside your little circle. It includes friends and family.
Most of the time we don’t like taking advice from the people closest to us. We usually get defensive, spiteful and angry, thinking they are trying to attack us even though they are trying their best to help.
Type #2 is external mentorship:
This mentorship comes from outside of your inner circle. It comes in the form of a teacher, coach, trainer, therapist, specialist, program, group, etc.
It needs to be someone or a group of people that you can trust but will be accepting of the advice and knowledge they have to offer you.
With the right person or team mentoring you it does a couple things for you:
You get supplied knowledge you didn’t have that can get you to where you need to be. They can shortcut your path to success.
You get held accountable along the way and will sometimes be told the hard truth in order to keep you on track.
You get someone who isn’t afraid to tell you how it is and be 100% honest with you on what is best for you going forward.
Sometimes internal mentors hold back with fear of you exiling them from your life. But with an external mentor you know they are suppose to give you the stone cold truth!
As men we like being right and we like doing things on our own, but I promise if you could just set the ego to the side and accept help when you can… things become so much easier and your career/family benefit immensely.
Most men grow up never understanding the work force, schooling, trade schools, finances, etc. And its a shame because that may be one of the, if not the, most important part of life.
That may sound shallow that finances, money and education are the most important part of life but in reality when you have a steady job, enough money to live by and some form of stability… LIFE GETS EASIER.
It is important to have a job. Get a job and stick to it for a period of time:
As men we need a purpose, a routine. If we do not have a routine we are more prone to stray from a successful path.
Now success is different for everyone but no matter what your goals are, you need some form of structure.
It is wired in our dna to do things, to provide a service, to work in some capacity. It really does not matter what it is that you are doing, as long as you are doing something most days of the week, around the same times.
Working is amazing. Too many men in todays world don’t want to work or work hard. We need to change this!
Work allows you to stay in a routine, gives you a purpose in life, allows you to meet new people and come across new opportunities and of course allows you to make money!
And remember, just because the job is a little sucky sometimes or difficult at times does not mean it’s time to give up after two months.
Give it 12 weeks and if it’s still so miserable you can’t take it, you can always quit!
You might have gone through 10 jobs before finding one that you really enjoy and pays good, and that’s okay!
Just keep working… a new opportunity may be on the horizon. Plus it’s better than sitting around wasting away doing nothing!
Simple physics… An object in motion stays in motion. Plus you’ll be stacking some money at the same time!
FINDING MENTORSHIP TIPS:
- When looking for a mentor you want to make sure others have had success with them as well. Look at their track record.
- You need to have a connection with this person or group. Do you get the vibes that they would be your friend or group of friends in life? Or that they just want your money?
- Do you believe in what they are saying or does it all sound like B.S?
- It is always worth it try a mentor that was recommended to you from someone you know who had success with that person or group.
- Be skeptical, but be open minded. Sometimes we shut down great opportunites by judging someone or a group before actually giving them a shot.
- Take the leap of faith. Once you have found someone or a group that you resonate with and have looked into, its time to give it a try. Reach out to them, get them on the phone and see what exactly they can do for you!
So there you have it… The actual system that helps men regain their mental health. We should not be tearing men down and giving them a terrible story about themselves.
Instead we should be building them up into better men who can better serve this world! And that boils down to 3 pillars… Physical, mental & socioeconomic health.
If you have any questions at all in regard to what we offer at Strong Gents Coaching:
Email us at: stronggentscoaching@gmail.com and we will get back to you ASAP.
-Coach Sam