How do we change ourselves or others? Why is it that sometimes no matter how bad the situation is… people stay in it?
The answer is because it’s the only path they know. They have lived it for so long that it seems like the right path. And although it causes them much pain and turmoil, it’s actually what’s familiar to them. It’s comfortable and it is easier to live in that misery, than to face the unknowns of what else is out there.
If you know someone who is unhealthy, overweight, insecure, anxious, etc. and you can see the path they are taking is not okay, how can we help them change? Well for starters, you cannot force people to change or get better. You have to accept the fact that this is their journey and if they ask you for help then you can give it but if they don’t then you must accept the fact that your advice might be worth just as much to them as a breeze across their cheek.
We need to show them that there is in fact another path. And that they in fact are welcome to walk it.
Most people who are struggling tend to put blinders on. They only want to see or accept things that will prove that their misery is justified, and it might just be that their misery is justified. But just because someone’s misery is justified does not mean that everything else in the world is horrible or will not help a person go from a place of turmoil to a place of at least part time calmness.
They will come up with objections, saying well I can’t because… or if I had this I could… or this is holding me back… Our best help is helping them break free of these objections.
Because these objections really are just some lies they have told themselves over and over to make them feel like what they are doing is justified, except most of the time what they are doing is nothing it’s not even something. They are just spinning the wheels in the same exact place without realizing that the only thing or person holding them back is actually themselves.
After they have stopped with the objections then they need to be willing to accept help. Accepting help is harder than most people realize. You have to let your ego go, admit you don’t know something and be willing to listen. This is hard for most.
The fact most people cannot grasp, is that you don’t know… what you don’t know. You also don’t know what someone else knows. And what someone else knows may just be the knowledge you need in your life. But you won’t know what someone else knows if you are not truly willing to listen and accept the help being offered to you.
The easiest way to shortcut success and change your life is by following someone who has already blazed the path to success. Someone else out there knows what you need to know, you just have to be open to accepting the help and accepting the fact that it is most likely not what you want to hear and not what you had in mind.
Because at the end of the day, if you are suffering and have tried to get out of that suffering with no real success, then you my friend do not know, and you might just do yourself a favor by allowing someone who actually may know, guide you there.
It is not fun being stuck in a world in which you feel there is no way out. And indeed, with the perspectives and beliefs present in your mind at the moment there is no way out.
I know this to be true because I resided in a mental world of hell for years… I would not accept help as I was stuck in my turmoil, I was being the victim, I was blaming everything and everyone and felt as if the world was closing in on me.
I was holding onto these tormenting ideas and beliefs because although they were miserable, I was more scared of what was out in the unknown. Of letting go and just free falling in life’s unlimited possibilities for my life.
It was not until I begin seriously challenging my beliefs, perspectives and ideas, it was not until I stopped thinking I was right about everything, it was not until I accepted the fact that I knew nothing, that I begin to see change.
And it was an enlightening moment when I would actually listen to what others had to say. I would listen to learn, not to have a rebuttal or my opinion fired back in their face before they finish speaking.
I learned that people actually did know more than I did, they have been in worse places than I have been, they have lived harsher lives, have seen more things, experienced more and have actually been there and done that.
Now that I was finally listening to learn, I was able to take some of the advice and apply it to my life. And what do you know, my life started to slowly change for the better.
Life is a crazy phenomenon. And although no one will ever know the meaning of life or how to live it, we can take bits and pieces from other humans around us to try and make some sense of it as we walk our own path.
Just remember, there is not one way to live this life. The fact is, is that we are born, and we will die, and everything that happens in-between is up to the person to act out. But damn, how terrible it is for a person to use the time in-between life and death to sulk in a misery that really isn’t that bad and blind themselves from the insane beauty and phenomena that is life.
There is always another path. Break through your objections, accept the fact that you know nothing, open yourself to the help of others and challenge yourself to live this life the best you can with the variables you have been given.
Train your life to change your life,
-Coach Sam
A good resource to go through is the 6 stages of change. They may bring more clarity to the complexity that is personal change. The link below will get you started!